Blur

My life is currently a blur.

 

There are so many reasons this is true including I have an infant, I am in my first year teaching, I have a 3 year old, and my husband is constantly (not really although it feels this way) traveling.

I think anyone of these things is stressful and challenging, all of them happening at once just makes me lucky. Almost 5 months ago Callan was born and I am so happy that he is here. Like his older brother he is an absolutely delightful baby. Of course I take credit for this part of my boys as anyone who has met Aaron knows well that is not exactly who he is.

As I find myself trying to be the best at everything I feel like I am the worst at everything. I cannot be the best mother, teacher and wife at the same time. I know on those days that I am being a good mother and spending time with my boys, I am neglecting the lesson plans I should be writing. And on the other hand when I am leaving the school at 5 each day I know that I have missed out on time with my boys because I worked just a little bit longer in an attempt to be more prepared and provide a better educational experience for my students.

It is hard, but I think it is the right thing for me. I love that my job allows me to spend weekends with my boys, it does not require me to travel and spend nights away. I get the opportunity to always be thinking about education and how that relates to students and eventually how that will impact my own children. Staying home with my boys is enjoyable, but I know from maternity leave and from summers of spending extending weeks and months with my kids that I function better in an environment where a structure is required. When I teach the structure is required, I do not design it, although it is flexible it is firm. At home for the most part it is free flowing I am not structured enough to spend everyday here and feel like we accomplish something. When I think about it, it feels like it doesn’t make sense. It seems like I should want nothing more than to stay home with my own children rather than spend time with someone else’s.  The only way I understand it is that I feel like I am a better mother and a better wife if I do not spend all day everyday with my own kids. Does that mean I don’t give it a second thought?  Absolutely not, I think about it constantly. I try so hard to take the advice of so many grandparents and to cherish this time hold my infant and loving my rambunctious 3 year old because soon enough I know that these days will be distant memories.

I am going to keep on keeping on, loving my weekends and summers and never ever wishing a moment away. Okay maybe the moment when they are both screaming and I am just done…that moment can go away. I love this time in my life. I love being a mother and I loving the massive challenge that is teaching. I also love my husband. He supports me in so many ways, usually it silently and steadfast. I am so happy with my pick of a husband. He has completely brainwashed me into believing he is amazing. I hope that someday my boys will be just as amazing and talented as he is.

 

So as these years blur by and it becomes difficult to differentiate between the passing weeks, months and years I will be focusing on happiness and fullness. My life is completely full and most of the time it is completely happy. What more could I ask for?

 

Updates

Callan nearly 5 months old

rolls from tummy to back

really really tries to scoot on his tummy

rolls from back to tummy

constantly flapping his arms and kicking his legs

loves SMILING

loves Nolan

loves laying on his changing table

enjoys taking baths with his big brother

enjoys exploring everything by putting it in his mouth

doesn’t love alone time

doesn’t love sleeping alone

doesn’t love having is shirt changed

doesn’t love

 

Nolan 3 1/2 years old

loves to pretend he is a super hero

loves to run, jump and play outside

love eating broccoli!

loves his little brother

loves give hugs and snuggles

loves to tell you he loves you

loves to reading books

loves watching shows

loves to make new friends

doesn’t love sleeping alone (but he now does it!!!)

doesn’t love sauces…ketchup, BBQ sauce

doesn’t love when his daddy is away (he generally has a hard time at daycare when Aaron travels)

Nolan has a lot to say and wants to tell you everything about everything. I love him so much!

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